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As the years go by and my children reach ages I remember myself being, I am beginning to sympathise more and more with my mother. The quote above says it all really. I remember her saying that so clearly and you know what? She was dead right.
Probably the scariest thing is how close I now feel to my own childhood, and how as a child I thought my mother’s childhood was something that had happened way way back in the dim and distant past, when dinosaurs roamed the earth. (She was 25 when she had me …) It is actually quite freaky that my daughters probably think the same thing about me and really have no comprehension that when I say I remember what it’s like to be five, I really do.
I must admit to feeling rather guilty now about all the times I told my mum she was pronouncing things wrong because she didn’t have Donegal Irish. Boy has that one come back to bite me in the bum. Now it’s me who’s the odd one out in the family and has to work hard to ensure the girls are waved off to bed with an Oíche Mhaith pronounced the correct Donegal way. It’s only a matter of time before they are telling me ‘It’s not dooh it’s dove’. Doh.
Sometimes I find it hard to believe that my two see me the same way I saw my mum, i.e. someone responsible and reliable who knows what they’re doing. I mean, I don’t even feel like I’m properly grown up yet. Do you ever, I wonder?
But I suspect I must be, with some of the things I’ve heard myself saying recently, with a voice straight out of the past. Like ‘it’ll end in a row’. My mother’s observations were always spot on. How she knew that a slightly boisterous but good-natured game was about to rapidly descend into a fist-fight is something that I could never understand. Now I do. The warning signs are oh so obvious from the other side. And it should of course be followed up with ‘I don’t care who started it’. And never was a truer word spoken. (I bet that’s what George Mitchell said to the unionists and nationalists too.)
One of her habits which I’ve been extremely happy to adopt is to respond to repeated pestering by singing. It goes as follows:
Child whines: Please …
Mother sings: Please, please, don’t eat the daisies …
Child whines: Can I …
Mother sings: Can I canoe you up the river …
Child whines: I don’t want to …
Mother sings: I don’t want to join the army, I don’t want to go to war …
Singing is a pleasant distraction from the whining, I find, and the added bonus is that I remember exactly how annoying this is from the other side.
Oh and how could I forget ‘Not enough sleep’. My mother’s diagnosis for every ache and pain and general moodiness. And you know what, I suspect she may have been right about that one too. And yes, I find myself diagnosing the same condition as the cause of evening grumps and bedtime tantrums. Luckily the next generation don’t seem to find this as annoying as we did. Actually I only found it mildly irritating, but my sister can still, at 29 years of age, be heard to mutter, ‘Not everything is not enough sleep you know …’
It’s like there’s a list that’s programmed into us of Things Mothers Say. You don’t even realise how much of it you’ve absorbed or how all these patterns of childhood and parenthood are repeating themselves.
All that’s left for me to say is, ‘And if [insert name of best friend] stuck their hand in the fire, would you stick your hand in the fire?’ Then it will be clear I have officially turned into my mother.
Mind you, I could do a whole lot worse.
Minutes of family meeting, January 2011
Venue: Kitchen table
Time: Dinner time
Present: Lady of the house (hereinafter referred to as LOH), man of the house (hereinafter referred to as MOH), daughter number one (hereinafter referred to as One) and daughter number two (hereinafter referred to as Two).
Apologies: none.
Sole item on the agenda: How to make our mornings smoother and get LOH, One and Two out the door in time for school without LOH shouting herself hoarse.
LOH opened proceedings by outlining the current state of affairs for the benefit of all present.
Previously successful system: One and Two following the items on their chart (see figure 1), with assistance where needed, in a prompt and efficient manner.
Figure 1
Current system: Excessive amounts of dawdling on the part of One, only surpassed by the tortoise-like dawdling of Two, repeated toilet trips by Two, general forgetting of school books and other items by One and Two, and incessant nagging and shouting by LOH.
Result: One stressed mother and two stressed children running out the door at the last possible minute and arriving at school hassled and fed up. LOH arriving home at 8.50am feeling like she has done a day’s work already.
One and Two agreed with LOH’s version of events.
MOH wished to have it noted in the minutes that said situation was having a negative impact on his work from home days. LOH acknowledged that standing at the bottom of the stairs shouting, ‘Two, get down here now, you couldn’t possibly need to go to the toilet again’ was not conducive to a positive working environment.
LOH threw the discussion open to the floor, asking if One and Two had any suggestions as to how the situation could be improved. Neither were forthcoming.
LOH proposed a motion that One and Two should get up ten minutes earlier. Two felt this was a good idea. One disagreed, expressing her belief that she would be too tired if she had to get up ten minutes earlier. MOH suggested that this could be overcome by going to bed ten minutes earlier. One was unimpressed with this intervention.
LOH suggested a compromise, whereby One and Two would get up five minutes earlier. This solution was acceptable to all and the motion was unanimously carried.
LOH then suggested that it should not take Two more than thirty minutes to consume a bowl of Sultana Bran. Two agreed to attempt an accelerated eating programme.
LOH further suggested that Two should avail of the toilet facilities either before or after said meal, but not both. Two felt this was an unreasonable request. It was agreed to review this item at a later date.
The family all felt it had been a most productive meeting and agreed to make a special effort to implement the new regime as of the following morning. The meeting was then adjourned for dessert.
One of the things I love about our book club is that whoever is hosting chooses the book which just makes so much sense. Most book clubs that I’ve heard of choose the next book by consensus, which I can only imagine leads to lots of procrastination, debating, arguing and general wasting of time. I think our founder members were very wise to go for the ‘host’s choice’ system instead, it makes things a lot simpler and means everyone gets a turn to pick (and inflict their choice on others. Mwah ha ha ha …)
My turn will be coming up soon (we need to wait and see whose name comes out of the hat next time!) so I’ve been contemplating what to choose for my fellow bookworms. So many books, so little time. Here’s my shortlist so far:
1) Room by Emma Donoghue
Pros: I loved this book and think everyone in the entire world should read it. It’s a perfect book club read as there are so many things to discuss. The narrator is a five-year-old boy and most of us have children around that age so it makes it easier to relate to his mindset and all the more poignant to contemplate what his mother is going through. Plus Helen W has already started it, which means her chances of finishing it should be somewhat higher than her previous record suggests …
Cons: I’ve already read it, and it’s a bit too soon to read it again. I like to read the book in the two weeks or so before the meeting so it’s fresh in my mind.
2) Either Northline or The Motel Life by Willy Vlautin (of Richmond Fontaine fame)
Pros: Both are on my ‘must read’ list (good). And already on my bookshelf (even better). I really loved his other book, Lean on Pete – such a moving read.
Cons: If they’re anything like Lean on Pete and just about every Richmond Fontaine song they’re going to be utterly depressing. Not sure I want to be responsible for bringing everyone’s mood down for the next month.
3) The Double Life of Cassiel Roadnight by Jenny Valentine
Pros: I haven’t read this yet and I adore all her previous books, especially Finding Violet Park. The plot sounds intriguing.It might make an interesting change to read a teenage book. Plus it should be short enough for even Helen W to finish.
Cons: She’s one of those authors who makes me feel depressed that I’ll never, ever be able to write as well as her.
4) The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows
Pros: Another book that I think everyone in the world should read. It’s long enough since I read it that I could happily read it again. It’s a heartwarming read with one of the most endearing heroines I’ve ever come across.
Cons: If anyone criticised it even a tiny bit I might stab them with the cheese knife.
5) Welcome to the World Baby Girl by Fannie Flagg
Pros: Another case of ‘I loved her other book’ (Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe)
Cons: Don’t actually know anything about it.
6) One Day by David Nicholls
Pros: I’ve already started reading it (had to abandon it to start the current book club choice, The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas). It’s one of those books which is talked about a lot so would be good to know what all the fuss is about. My sister recommended it.
Cons: From what I’ve read so far I like it but I don’t love it. I certainly didn’t have any trouble tearing myself away to start The Slap, so that’s probably not a good sign.
7) The Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry
Pros: I’ve already read it. Another book I’d love to discuss with my book club, there’s so much to it and lots of things which are not definitively tied up and are open to interpretation, which always makes for an interesting discussion. The language in it is just beautiful.
Cons: I’ve already read it.
Those are my thoughts so far … no doubt I’ll consider and discard about a dozen more titles before my turn comes around! Watch this space, book club peeps (and be grateful I wasn’t pulled out of the hat when I picked The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova. It’s nearly 700 pages long and my husband was unimpressed by it – very disappointing considering how much I loved The Historian).
“Revision is one of the true pleasures of writing. I love the flowers of afterthought.” ~Bernard Malamud
I saw this quote on another blog (well worth a read – The Urban Muse: 30 Writing Quotes to Kick Off 2011.) and it’s so apt for me this week, because I have FINISHED the book. Yes, all that scribbling (lots) and procrastinating (far more) has got somewhere at last. I already know the last two pages are rubbish but that is what rewriting is for. At least they’re done. In fact I’ve followed the advice from another quote on the blog above, “Don’t get it right, just get it written.” ~James Thurber
And so my overwhelming emotion at finishing it is just sheer relief. I’m not really thinking past the rewriting stage for now. I know I have a lot of work to do before I can send the book to anyone with a view to getting it published. While that is of course the ultimate dream I feel a huge sense of achievement at just having finished my first novel. (I don’t tend to count the one I wrote when I was twelve, given that it was a complete rip-off of my beloved Chalet School series.) Although this book is much shorter than The Irish Bride’s Survival Guide I found writing fiction so much more difficult, on so many levels, so I am really quite proud of myself for sticking with it and getting it finished. Whether it’s any good or not is a whole other question.
And so to rewriting. Even as I was going along I was thinking of things I wanted to change in earlier sections, but given how long it takes me to write anything in the first place (three years to write 35,000 words. I’ll never be able to write adult fiction, that’s for sure. I won’t live long enough) I made myself not think about it too much and just Get It Written. So I have a long list of notes for myself about what bits I need to add in, take out or rewrite. Actually I have several very scribbly lists. One in my beautiful writing notebook which a friend gave me (thanks Denise!). One in the refill pad I’ve written most of the book in. One in another random notebook. Several on the back of printed out sheets. I’m very organised as you can see.
So I need to put all these lists together, print out the book and get started on the second draft. Which sounds like work, but compared to writing the bloody thing in the first place it is going to be an absolute joy. I’d take rewriting over writing any day. I’m sure it will be a struggle in parts but at least I won’t be facing that God-awful terror of staring at a blank page wondering how the hell I’m going to fill it. (I’m so looking forward to starting the next book. Not.)
Thrilled to see this lovely preview of the new edition of The Irish Bride’s Survival Guide on the Confetti website.
I love the new cover for The Irish Bride’s Survival Guide, created by O’Brien Press’s very talented designer Emma Byrne. I have to admit I was a bit nervous about it being changed as book covers are such a personal thing and I always loved the old one. But as the book will be six years old this spring it was time to give it a fresh look and hopefully create some more interest (and the all important shelf space). I am thrilled with the result, I think it’s fun and quirky and really does convey the spirit of the book (in fact, as we like to say in the trade, it does exactly what it says on the tin!).
The content has been updated too. I very much enjoyed working on it again and coming at it from a slightly different perspective, as an old married woman and having been a wedding guest many times over since the first edition came out, and indeed a bridesmaid once. I’ve also included several new ‘real life bride’ stories – Áine, Louise and Elaine, expect the paparazzi to be outside your doors any minute 😉
I can’t wait to see the final book. In all good bookshops from March 2011!
More details on http://www.amazon.co.uk/Irish-Brides-Survival-Guide/dp/1847172598/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294825692&sr=1-3
Inspired by the helpful people at The Daily Post I am going to do my best to post on this blog every week for all of 2011. (Not every day. No one wants to hear from me that often. Not even me.)
Signing the pledge below:
I know it won’t be easy, but it might be fun, inspiring, awesome and wonderful. Therefore I’m promising to make use of The Daily Post, and the community of other bloggers with similar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.
If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way.
Signed,
Natasha
Writing for Children Course « Creative Writing Courses in Ireland.
Anyone interested in writing for children should check this out. Oisín is a prolific author with a wide range of titles to his name as both writer and illustrator. And with his CBI hat on he’s always very helpful to new and aspiring children’s writers.
Interesting conversation at a wedding last week. I was sitting at a table with a few people I knew, including my Best Friend From Home (as distinct from Best Friend From College), and a few who I hadn’t met before. The three to my left were all new to me, and we were all getting on great, conversation flying along when suddenly the subject of twins and the time of their birth came up. One of the girls said she knew a set of twins who had two different birthdays as they were born on either side of midnight. I chipped in, ‘One of my twins was born at 11.59am and the other at noon and I remember thinking if it had been the middle of the night instead of day they’d have had different birthdays.’
There was a sudden deathly silence as three faces stared at me and three jaws dropped open. I briefly wondered if I’d committed some terrible wedding faux pas, but then one lady recovered the use of her voice enough to say, ‘You have twins?’
‘Yes,’ I replied.
‘How old are they?’ she asked. (The other two were still sitting in stunned silence).
‘They’re five.’
‘You have FIVE-year-old TWINS?’ she repeated. (Her husband looked ready to fall off his chair at this point.)
I starting laughing, not quite knowing whether I should produce photographs to prove it. Or maybe their birth certs.
Thankfully Best Friend From Home, who is completely blasé on the subject of my twins, given that she has known about them for the past five years, came to my defence. ‘Oh yes she does have twins. And she was married for a few years before she had them. It wasn’t a shotgun wedding or anything.’ (Thanks for that, L!)
My original questioner then wanted to know how I managed to look so glamorous when I have twins. It was news to me that (a) I looked glamorous and (b) that said glamour and the ownership of twins should be considered mutually exclusive, but nevertheless I decided to take it as a compliment.
Meanwhile my other new acquaintance was finally coming to life and repeating the question, still with that look of shock on her face, ‘You have twins?’
The other funny twin comment I had at the wedding was from the mother of the groom, a really lovely lady (the mother, not the groom that is) who said to me, ‘I don’t know how you coped with twins.’ I should point out that this lady is a mother of six. SIX. Now that’s scary, and, by my reckoning at least, is three times as many children as I have. I’m the one who should be in awe of her – and I am. But clearly twins still have the power to shock.
I wonder if I should be insulted on behalf of my twins. Yes it is completely and utterly chaotic in the early days and months. OK the first two years are pretty much a blur. But after that, is it really that different from having two children of different ages? There are some challenges that mothers of singletons don’t have to worry about, and it’s certainly more expensive with no chance to pass things down within the family, but (and I apologise to my fellow twin mums if I’m letting down the sisterhood by saying this) in lots of ways I think it’s actually easier than having them separately. You’re finished with teething, sleepless nights, nappies and all that in one fell swoop, and you have the advantage of not having to fit one child’s schedule or needs around the other’s because they are both at the same stage. And best of all each child has a built-in playmate.
But I don’t really expect anyone who hasn’t been there to get all that, so I’m not going to be insulted. Instead I think I’ll choose to take it as a compliment that I have managed to cope with something which clearly terrifies much of the adult population, and survived to tell the tale. Hell, I can even throw on a fancy frock and a bit of make-up and run some straighteners through my hair when the occasion demands. No, honestly …
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