You have TWINS?

Interesting conversation at a wedding last week. I was sitting at a table with a few people I knew, including my Best Friend From Home (as distinct from Best Friend From College), and a few who I hadn’t met before. The three to my left were all new to me, and we were all getting on great, conversation flying along when suddenly the subject of twins and the time of their birth came up. One of the girls said she knew a set of twins who had two different birthdays as they were born on either side of midnight. I chipped in, ‘One of my twins was born at 11.59am and the other at noon and I remember thinking if it had been the middle of the night instead of day they’d have had different birthdays.’

There was a sudden deathly silence as three faces stared at me and three jaws dropped open. I briefly wondered if I’d committed some terrible wedding faux pas, but then one lady recovered the use of her voice enough to say, ‘You have twins?’

‘Yes,’ I replied.

‘How old are they?’ she asked. (The other two were still sitting in stunned silence).

‘They’re five.’

‘You have FIVE-year-old TWINS?’ she repeated. (Her husband looked ready to fall off his chair at this point.)

I starting laughing, not quite knowing whether I should produce photographs to prove it. Or maybe their birth certs.

Thankfully Best Friend From Home, who is completely blasé on the subject of my twins, given that she has known about them for the past five years, came to my defence. ‘Oh yes she does have twins. And she was married for a few years before she had them. It wasn’t a shotgun wedding or anything.’ (Thanks for that, L!)

My original questioner then wanted to know how I managed to look so glamorous when I have twins. It was news to me that (a) I looked glamorous and (b) that said glamour and the ownership of twins should be considered mutually exclusive, but nevertheless I decided to take it as a compliment.

Meanwhile my other new acquaintance was finally coming to life and repeating the question, still with that look of shock on her face, ‘You have twins?’

The other funny twin comment I had at the wedding was from the mother of the groom, a really lovely lady (the mother, not the groom that is) who said to me, ‘I don’t know how you coped with twins.’ I should point out that this lady is a mother of six. SIX. Now that’s scary, and, by my reckoning at least, is three times as many children as I have. I’m the one who should be in awe of her – and I am. But clearly twins still have the power to shock.

I wonder if I should be insulted on behalf of my twins. Yes it is completely and utterly chaotic in the early days and months. OK the first two years are pretty much a blur. But after that, is it really that different from having two children of different ages? There are some challenges that mothers of singletons don’t have to worry about, and it’s certainly more expensive with no chance to pass things down within the family, but (and I apologise to my fellow twin mums if I’m letting down the sisterhood by saying this) in lots of ways I think it’s actually easier than having them separately. You’re finished with teething, sleepless nights, nappies and all that in one fell swoop, and you have the advantage of not having to fit one child’s schedule or needs around the other’s because they are both at the same stage. And best of all each child has a built-in playmate.

But I don’t really expect anyone who hasn’t been there to get all that, so I’m not going to be insulted. Instead I think I’ll choose to take it as a compliment that I have managed to cope with something which clearly terrifies much of the adult population, and survived to tell the tale. Hell, I can even throw on a fancy frock and a bit of make-up and run some straighteners through my hair when the occasion demands. No, honestly …